How to Procrastinate - Victor Carno

How to Procrastinate - Victor Carno

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The amount of time elapsed between writing that title and this sentence has been four and a half hours. However, don’t take pity on my tormented soul, for I have made great use of that time. People often make the mistake of replacing work with television, video games, or going out with friends. This only leads to a pit lodged into your stomach so big it will make James’ Peach jealous. 

You don’t even get to enjoy the time with your friends, because guilt is slowly creeping, tugging on your collar while the pit grows larger. There is a simple solution to stave off guilt and the feeling of inevitable doom. Simply use that time to do something small and productive. For instance, my attention faded about 100 words into this essay. Weirdly enough, I also noticed that my scruff was beginning to annoy me and feel itchy, so I took a break to shave my beard. How can I fault myself? Am I supposed to become an unshaven Neanderthal? This essay should have my undivided attention. How can I write a coherent piece with this scruff annoying me?

If you have ever had a task that you’ve thought, “I’d rather be doing anything else but this right now,” then this is the method you should employ. If you truly meant that statement, imagine how productive your life could be! Work small to big. Start with shaving, then move to clearing out that pesky junk drawer you keep in your kitchen for no reason. If the task you are trying to put off is so large, you may finally work your way up to solving perpetual motion. This way, only good things could come out of you putting off that report your boss wanted on his desk by Monday. Could you imagine standing in front of your boss at an important board meeting and saying, “You know, I never really got to that Johnson Report. However, I did find the cure to the Zika Virus”? I’m pretty sure they’d give you a slow clap followed by making you partner with a corner office. 

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About the Author

VICTOR CARNO is a reporter for The San Clemente Times and The Dana Point Times in Orange County, CA.

He has always worked with news publications, and has just recently decided to write creative non-fiction.