I decided to inspect my own candy
one Halloween. Images of grownups
sticking razorblades in Snickers bars
and rat-poisoning Dum Dums had me
throw away all but a couple pieces
from my pillow case, full on the table.
Were wrappers worn or disheveled
in the slightest, the candy was tossed.
And now my son tells me not to pack
celery for his lunch side. The teacher,
he explains, will turn off the lights
if students are too loud while eating.
It was then, in his earnest anxiety
about how the crunching of celery
might result in lights-off rebuke,
that the Halloween memory arose.
About the Author
Infamous in his academic department for promoting the practice of erotic mentorship, M. A. ISTVAN JR. is a gender-queer, race-queer, and-many-other-sorts-of-queer instructor of Gay Science (Die fröliche Wissenschaft) at various Texas universities. Istvan was born and raised in what is arguably the psychic hub of North America (New York’s Hudson Valley), where it is not uncommon for a baby’s first words to be “futhark” or “astral.” As it turns out, however, Istvan is a complete disgrace to his people when it comes to tapping into lunar energies; bending keys; communing with archangels; employing healing crystals to cure cancers; sensing cold spots in the most haunted of cemeteries; wilting garden weeds with a mere dogged stare in their direction; understanding the chiromantic significance of a triple-line girdle of Venus; and distinguishing a blank ceramic tile to be cast off with the cigarette butts in an ashtray from what is the very rune of Odin to be cast for divination! The last time he visited home he mistook the celebration marking the earth’s evolutionary shift from 3rd to 4th chakra existence for nothing more than New Year’s enthusiasm that just happened to be a bit more intense than usual. That was at the end of 2012 and he has been too ashamed to show his face there since. As for some recent news, Istvan’s wife of 10 years has just come to terms, after a lifelong struggle, with the fact that she is a full-blown lesbian. Biologically male and a mere 35% female in soul, Istvan thus has never been quite right for her. The two of them—best friends, family, co-parents—are now undergoing an amicable divorce, despite how heartbroken Istvan is.
You can also find him here: https://txstate.academia.edu/MichaelIstvanJr